You guys, THIS IS WHY IS CREATED DOCUMENTED FAITH. So that I have a place to record all of the following. A place to look back at, reflect on and see how amazing God is, how faithful He is and how He is working on me and through me.
Again, this weeks verse:
All those who know your mercy, Lord, will count on you for help. For you have never yet forsaken those who trust in you. Psalm 9:10 Living Bible
God will never forsake those who seek him. To forsake someone is to abandon that person. God’s promise does not mean that if we trust in him we will escape loss or suffering; it means that God himself will never leave us no matter what we face.
Key phrase: No Matter What.
I say that a lot and it is the anchor that holds me in a safe harbor BUT sometimes in the midst of junk, it is so foggy, I forget.
It has been happening in my life for the past few weeks.
NOTE: I do not share for the sympathy; I share because this junk happens in all of our lives. Sometimes hearing about others trials and testimonies helps us in ways we would have never thought so today, I thought I would share so that when you are in the midst of whatever is happening, hopefully you will remember to trust.
Back Story: I have been promoting. believing in, loving and supporting Melody Rosss, Kathy Wilkins and Brave Girls Club since before it even began. I have been invited to attend since the very first camp and have always, for the past five years rejected going because I wanted to go to "serve" and not receive. I know that sounds silly, but I have always had a hard time receiving and have been working on it diligently for the past 18 months or so. Last January I committed to going to the October 2015 camp and was going to be attending with what I call my blessed friends, my souls sisters, the ones I hold closest.
After planning on going to camp for several months, I was invited to attend, speak and teach at Christian women's conference in South Carolina...at the same time. I was humbled, blessed and moved that they would ask me. ME! Yikes and wow all at the same time. I saw it as (my) way to receive and serve (go to camp to receive and then attend the conference to serve) After careful planning and tweaking of schedules, it was all arranged that I would go from California to Idaho to South Carolina.
As time grew near I was mentally ready for camp. Ready for me to go to camp, ready to receive, ready to relax, ready to refuel. Me, me, me, I was going to gather with my sisters and just typing that makes me feel a sense of "ahhhh". I was also so ready for Allume. Supplies were packed, products was being shipped and I was also blessed with a request to meet with some people while I was in South Carolina with a possible opportunity for something big.
Then my husbands sweet 94 year old Grandpa died and I instantly knew panic'd that some changes might possibly have to be made.
I cried because "pop" was gone and because my husband was sad but I cried a little more because I was panic'd that I was going to possibly cancel on people that had reached out to me to be part of a thier event, cancel on people that had relied on me, let down people that had trusted in me..
I felt incredibly selfish because of how I was feeling and tried to pray it all away but the selfish feelings just got bigger, harder, deeper. I was sad for the loss of our Pop but equally, or actually a little more upset because I was going to have cancel which is something I have not had to do when it comes to teaching and/or attending events.
Instead of TRUSTING that it was all happening the way it was supposed to happen, I was overwhelmed and felt like I was sinking with all of the events, changes and fears of things that I simply had no control over.
I was trying to control several things that I had no control over.
I forgot to TRUST.
IMPORTANT: If you don't already have a person (or a couple of them) that you can talk, call or text at any hour of any day for any reason, get some. You gotta have God and a crew (tribe, posse, gang, group) that can redirect you, remind you and think for you when you forget to think.
I had to cancel not one, but both trips and that sent me whirling. I stayed in close connection to my crew and was constantly reminded to TRUST. Trust, trust and then trust more because as the week began and we were planning and prepared for a funeral, our week got a whole lot more complicated and it started to become very evident to me of why I needed at home.
Had I been gone away from home, I would have wanted to be home, I would have needed to be home, that I would have felt guilty for not being home and that I would have not been a good receiver or giver.
What I learned in the past two weeks has been invaluable. As horrible as I felt, as hard as things got and as complicated as situations turned out to be, I grew stronger and my roots went deeper. I spoke to people and into people differently than I ever. In fact at one point, my mom said to me "How did you get so smart?"
It is not me, it is God.
What I learned was:
- "Don't ask why" but ask, "What do I need to learn from this ?"
- To remember that God is control and I am not.
- To remember not face things along but to ask for help. Our tendency is to retreat and hide but it is okay to ask and receive help from others.
What I forgot to remember is that the brightest insights come in our darkest days as long as we TRUST and listen to the Lord.
I found this in my notes from a sermon dated July 31, 2010:
There is no growth without change
There is no change without loss
There is no loss without grief
the is no grief without pain
Remember to TRUST God and remember that NO MATTER WHAT, it will all be okay. Work on getting yourself a friend or a group of friends that you reach out to, rely on, support, receive from, serve with, give to, laugh hysterically with so hard that you might pee your skirt and to cry with and for.