The first time seeing and "meeting" up with John Ackerman was completely by my rules. It is not that I was being bossy. I was purely thinking of the boys. I was also a little more than anxious of the unknown. I was a separated and almost divorced mom with two boys. I hardly knew how to do life like this. Now I am meeting up with the first boy I fell in love with. We were teenagers the last time we had seen each other so I had no idea what to do, how to act or not act and no idea what to expect. John Hughes had not written or directed any 80's follow up "where are they now" movies.
So, we met at McDonald's in the Playland and he had to sit at a table across from me. The boys could not see me talking to another man, I was not even "officially" divorced. I did not think I was ready to talk to another man and they probably were not ready to see their mom talking to another man. I felt awkward, I was anxious, we were in the McDonald's Playland and the very first moment I saw him, all of those 15 1/2 year old first love feelings came flooding back. I do not recall anything we talked about, how long we were there or how it went. What I do remember is that when we left, I took the boys to Rite-Aide to get an ice cream and it had not been more than 10 minutes and he called me.
John Ackerman called ME and all of the feelings I had felt rush back..were mutual.
In the weeks and months to come, I am sure that there were introductions to my family, the boys, the neighbors, a little bit of dating but only when the boys were with their dad and sometimes not even then because remember, I was rolling up into a ball and hiding. I had a really hard time separating my emotional breakdowns and trying to have a relationship with someone. Thinking about it now, I was completely off balance. I had these gushy 15 1/2 year old love struck feelings and then on the flip side, dark, emotionally depressing weekends. It was amazing and horrible all at the same time and you can't live a healthy life like that. I honestly do not remember all of my ups and downs, but I do remember that no matter what, John was always supportive of whatever had to be done for the sake of the boys.
Unfortunately, it all came to a screeching halt and our dating relationship ended. All ties of communication were cut and I made the decision to stop the divorce and just live as a family of four until the boys were grown. We were not yellers or out loud arguers so for all appearances sake, we looked like a normal family. It was not my boys fault that their dad and I were in the situation we were in and as a parent, it was my responsibility to provide the best environment I could for them.
I personally, mentally, relationally and physically lasted a little under 10 months. I was quickly breaking down and felt I had exhausted every effort to make my marriage work. I couldn't be a good mom and I was not a wife. We just co-existed in a house. I had to think about what I wanted my boys to grow up seeing was a healthy family and this was not it. I once again asked their dad to move out and we started the divorce proceedings.
The best advice I was given by a medical professional that did not "agree" with divorce was this:
- Exuast every effort to make things work. You do not want to have any regrets.
- If divorce is going to happen, it was better that it happen when the children are young because when your children become teenagers, there is no room for parental drama. When you are headed into teenage years, you must be grounded, stable and focused.
Amen to that.
Fast forward to over a year later. On June 22, 2007. I sat on the floor at my sisters house and started preparing centerpieces for the wedding I had dreamed about when I was 15 1/2 years old..
Buckets and buckets of roses ready to be cut and placed into pots that we had painted and stuffed with floral foam, moss and Rosemary (because I had taken a floral design class in college, duh.)..
We all gathered together because we had a wedding planned for the next day and we had lots to do. Cloth napkins that needed to be folded for our guests to wipe the BBQ sauce off of their fingers..
Dozens and dozens of homemade Chocolate Chip cookies that needed to be boxed up
Chairs and tables that needed to be set up for our friends and family to sit beside us to celebrate.
On June 23, 2007 surrounded by our family and close friends, I became Stephanie Ackerman.
After our vows had been said and the food had been served, I was the happiest girl in the world. I was married to John Ackerman and was cutting the wedding cake that I had baked and frosted just hours prior.
All of the wedding preparation had been and was being documented and photographed for a magazine artical which I will tell you about in "The Story of Me, Part Five"